Like a wind-up doll

Time ticks by mercilessly it seems. I try not to watch. I want to keep my hands busy and my heart full. My heart is delighted by Father who is good in every way. His presence is the sun that warms me; His kindness is the water that cleanses me; His discipline is the fire that purifies me; His promises are the wind that carries me; His word is the food that nourishes me.

My back is every day in knots over the frustrations of this life. I peer out beneath my furrowed brow at unfinished tasks and, like a wind-up doll, brace myself for the tight winds that strain the back, followed by the frenzy of motion and hurried movements. Like a mechanical toy, I complete the menial tasks that each day demands. Do they call for such stress? No, release me from this laborious perspective.

Luke recounts the story of two sisters who invited Jesus to their house. While one sister ran around feverishly to make preparations, the other sister simply sat at Jesus' feet and listened. Jesus teaches us that the latter of the two made the best decision. There are many things that worry and upset us in this life, but only one is necessary.

As I sit at Jesus feet and listen, I am reminded of the cost of discipleship. Following Jesus means taking up our cross daily. I will gladly welcome the tightness in my back when it is born from the weight of a cross, a self-denial and a holy frustration producing fruit of love and justice.


Why does my back hurt?

Security

Our pastor shared this morning about a psychological trait that is said to be different among men and women. While men and women alike desire both security and significance, males are more often drawn to significance and females to security.

I was searching for that security when I was driving home tonight from my new residence. I went through a checklist in my mind. I won't be sleeping in the same house or living in the same town. I won't be returning to the same school this fall. I'm no longer the student but now I'm the teacher. Just when I felt myself grasping around in the dark for something to hold on to, I remembered to turn on the light.

God is my constant security. Even if every circumstance in my life were changing (which is not the case), I know that He would not change. "...for He has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'" (Hebrews 13:5)

I am reminded of a trip to Spain in which I sat on a large window sill of a hostel and recalled all of the new things that I was encountering. Fear was far from my mind as I contemplated that the same God I worshiped in America was the same God in Spain.

"Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast."
Psalm 139:7-10

I dream of future opportunities to further cleave myself from the familiar of this world in search of the unknown in the next. I pray that I would have the courage to accept them.

A familiar beat

Beat tap tap
I don't understand that
play it again
I'm beginning to see a trend.

Never stop
don't let the beat drop
I feel in time
rewind rewind

Don't mind me
I come here often in my dreams
like an unfinished thought
indecision I've bought

The past calls me back
telling me it's you that I lack
I could live in the memories
or forever be set free

In presence or in absence
like a familiar fragrance
the memory of you remains
your salvation in my prayer is entertained.

Searching for some truth...

Don't fear the pen though it may speak truth

my heart yearns for clarity, for You.

it's been too long, i need to be still

to know you are God, to know you are real

i don't fear the morning with it's uncertainties

nor my faults, my losses, my enemies

i fear only the Lord and trust in Him

though the trust is tried in the daily interim

Such is man

Has ever the rooster
in his slumber
once missed the morning crow

Or the bluebird in flight
in the winter
forgotten where to go

Can flowers bud in winter
A hope grow from despair

Such is man
in his search for love
in his search for the meaning of life

Goodbye June

I hope I haven't completely lost your readership in my absence. Here are some poem crumbs that I wrote. I couldn't/have not yet put them together into one pie. Perhaps they don't all fit in the same pie. Anyway, maybe they would make a better cobbler. Can anyone even tell me the difference between pie and cobbler?

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Phantom Henry

Feel him in my arms, though we've long driven away
see him behind my eye's curtains, a picture here to stay
wrap my arms tight around his chest, as I often hope to feel
grant our dreams to another and see them become real.

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I Plead Guilty

Biding my time
make decisions not mine
flesh rules the body
forget God who set me free

My eyes are glued to the greed
my fingers are sticky
with the violence, the pain, the agony

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Confessions of a Girl

Wondering not
if my story would end
with the rescue of a handsome prince

But wondering rather
after inspection of my worth
the capture would ever commence.

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Speak Up

women be freed
but don't preach equality
forgetting we are not the same
devaluing the title "feminine"

muslims and christians
we do not agree
don't use arms
but rather rationality

why do we fear
what we misunderstand
no excuse
it's the age of information

Be a Voice

Visit this website:
http://www.prisoneralert.com/

It is here that you can take part in serving our brothers and sisters in chains. Write letters of encouragement that will be sent to the imprisoned. Write letters to the government officials pleading to release them. Most importantly, pray for them.

Three people are highlighted each month.
Click on the link above and find out about Gao, Gulsher, and Sandul.