Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Heave-Ho

I limbered up the dirt road as the suns last rays slouched through the bare trees. The thatched roof of the old inn, in great need of repair, was a sharp contrast to the majestic mountain view climbing up behind it. That’s how I felt: just like the old inn, sitting in the valley with a great view of the highlands but no hopes of rising up to meet them. It had been weeks since anyone had rented a room at the inn. Only months earlier, this valley was teeming with vacationers from all over the country. Who could blame them? What was once the gem of our nation, a valley brimming with hopes and dreams of newlyweds was now empty and the flames of silver-haired couples still burning brightly have long since been replaced by smoldering coals. The threat of our nation’s upheaval by the bordering northern state had driven away the visitors of the valley. And, for what? So the Paranians could gain control of our valley and use our mountains as their fort against the nation’s southern capital.


As my fingers wrapped around the doorknob, I hesitated to enter. How would my wife feel about this? What of my daughters? Are they too young? I have no choice, I told myself decidedly as I turned the knob with a new sense of duty and direction only to be sunk by the two sweet faces that presently came running up to me as I stood in the doorway. Their dark eyes and rosy cheeks, the very vision of their mother’s could melt even the heart of pharaoh. With my two daughters wrapped around my knees, I felt the warm loving hand of my wife reach around my neck and draw my face in near. She is like a flower that blooms all year long. Neither the brisk winds of autumn or the icy cold snow of winter could fade her beauty or resoluteness. Her grandfather fought to keep this valley and these roof-top mountains in the hands of patriots like himself, and the same thick blood ran through his granddaughter’s veins. Surely she of anyone would understand? "Darling, come," she pleaded. "I have something to show you." The girls grabbed their coats as if on cue. She led me briskly through the kitchen, grabbing a basket of hot biscuits, and led us all straight through the back door. We walked down the stony path through the gardens and past the meager rows of corn before I was able to catch my breath. "My dear, what is the meaning of this?" I spouted. "I’ve been hiding this from you far too long, darling. You must trust me; come on we’ll stop to eat later," she assured me.


The view ahead was spectacular: the sun was dripping behind the mountains ahead splashing hazy colors across the sky. The girls skipped along like a pair of butterflies dancing through the tall grass as together we headed toward the base of the mountain. I thought back to that late afternoon when the girls were first birthed. It had been a rare day indeed. The midwife had been standing by for hours wiping the heavy drops of sweat pouring down my wife's brow as she struggled with the labor pains. For one brief moment, the groans stopped. I, listening from the other room, peered in anxiously to see what was the matter when I noticed both my wife and the midwife looking curiously out the window. When I stood to get a closer look, I witnessed the moon eclipse directly over the sun and all at once the world was dark and quiet. In that very moment, the cries of my first-born daughter Luna could be heard. And in the very next moment, as the moon ceased to breach the light of the sun, so did Luna’s shining sister Sol break forth from her hiding place. And as for my wife, her joy was made complete and with a sigh of relief she looked lovingly into her daughters’ eyes, beaming as Hannah did unto her long awaited son.


As I looked up my wife had stopped just at the base of the rising incline of the mountain. She was unfolding the blanket she had resting under her arm and beckoned me and the girls to join her on its protection from the undergrowth. I sat down gingerly by my wife, touching her arm only softly as she began unrolling the biscuits and handing them to the girls. "My dear, I have something to tell you." My words sliced through the stillness awkwardly. "Oh darling, can’t it wait." she retorted, with a sudden sharpness in her voice. She continued, "I’ve been trying to tell you this now for weeks, but I didn’t know how you would take it. I know how much you love this valley, and I do too. But, the risk here is too great and I think it’s high time we close in on this mountain we have so often gazed upon and surmount it." I followed the direction of her hand as she pointed to the grassy knoll peppered with tiny rocks leading up to the base of the mountain and the rocky trail beyond leading sharply upward. "My great grandfather traveled down this mountain a hundred years ago to begin a new life here in this valley. It was to be for him and his descendants a place of wonder and excitement, peace and comfort. And it has been all these and more for us. But, those days are coming to an end. He wouldn’t have wanted to see the valley in the hands of brutal heartless men, and neither do I. I’ll be damned if I watch my girls grow up under the harsh rule of a dictator who believes that the world is better off without mercy, love, and forgiveness. That a person’s worth is better measured by the color of their skin than by the character of their heart. Lead us up this mountain, darling. Lead us into the future that awaits. Lead us from the danger that ensues. Or, by god, I will lead myself and our young daughters on my own." Oh God, I had thought my news would crush this young wife of mine. But her spirit was even more emboldened than I knew. "My dear," I began, "I had no idea you had such plans. I would have thought that like your ancestors, you would want to protect for this precious land which was so carefully and dangerously sought out." I paused and went on, "I had planned to tell you when I arrived home earlier this evening of my decision. I will join the local armies banding together to fight this ruthless dictator." The urgency in my voice was rising. My fear of her response only making my words more brash and resentful. "I will not allow the bones of your ancestors to be spat on as we turn this valley to our backs without a second glance. I will stay ---" Just then, my words were drowned out by the explosion resounding from the East. I looked behind us to see our shed going up in flames as the loud shrills from my daughters filled my ears. The wishes of my wife would be abruptly granted as in one breath I grabbed Luna in one arm, Sol in the other, and ran fiercely up the hill. My wife followed only a few paces behind having grabbed the food basket and blanket, our only supplies for the long journey ahead.




Years later, I recalled that dreary evening sitting in a lonely pub far to the West of the rising peaks. The Paranians had moved in sooner than we thought, sooner than any of us in the valley thought, and our only hope was to flee. The owner of the pub pulled up his stool beside me, furrowed his eyebrows, and leaning in, commented in a low voice, "’ar ye a’right, chap? If I di’dnt know any better, I wou’ave guessed ye got the ‘ole heave-ho."



Staring into the empty mug below me, I thought about how I had never heard truer words. Yes, I had gotten the ‘ole heave-ho. I had been hurled from everything I ever knew and loved. Our valley of bubbling streams and mountain fortresses was now only a dream. And, the rugged mountains had claimed the lives of my praised wife and beautiful daughters in the months of harsh conditions that followed that late autumn day. Who could have known that the dangers we would come to face in those mountains were only a reflection of those we left behind. And, now all I could do was travel west, putting those wretched mountains behind me. I had had the wrong impression all along: Our weather-beaten thatched roof held all the majesty I could have hoped for and it was the mountains that paled in comparison. Yes, now I concerned myself with one thing only: to travel west. Hoping that if I travel far enough west, I will reach the east. Until then, the unfading flowers and the dancing butterflies keep me company.

the Hunter and the Deer

(a tribute to my friend Joelle who taught me about "cracking twigs")

the Deer stood silently
having spotted the Hunter in the distance

the Deer stepped out from its hiding place
to get a better glimpse of the Hunter

having failed thus far to make its presence known to the Hunter,
the Deer presently cracked a few twigs beneath its hooves.

now, the Hunter, having spotted its prey
raised his bow to shoot.

the Deer took rapid shortened breaths,
pondering its next move.

should the Deer stay put,
it'd be pierced by the Hunter's arrow and bound to him.

should the Deer dart away,
it'd be free from the grasp of the Hunter to roam freely.

only, one regret tainted the deliberation of the Deer:
would that the Hunter revel in sharing the same frame of space for a time.
would that that be enough.

would that be enough?
for the Hunter?
for the Deer?

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Wedding

Every step was wide but rhythmic and steady at the impulse of the beating drums. Though I could have reached out my arms and touched a dozen people all at once, not one thought was spared on fear of collision. Like a school of fish, the masses and I glided seamlessly forward over the grassy valley, the mountains rising up all around like an onlooking crowd. At the command of the awaiting groom, the prince of the air surrendered and the tamed wind snapped gently at our white attire. The many colors of skin accented the pure white of the clothing wrapped around shoulders, resting on heads, buttoned down the middle, and whipping through ankles. Our faces pointed ahead, eyes locked intently on a long-awaited dream, concealing smiles too broad and deep to be worn.
...

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Leaving behind an echo of praise

My boots dug their heels into the crowd of leaves covering the back patio as the tears clung to my eyelashes in vain. There is no use denying it anymore. I took my last steps through my childhood house. Scanning my eyes across the backyard, the memories pushed and shoved to steal my attention. Sledding down the hill with Neil and Kim. Tossing cornhole with my friends. Watching Oliver strut across the patio. Hearing Dad call my name from the bottom of the basement steps. Mom's hugs. The more I remembered, the more I felt relieved that the sad song my heart was singing wasn't playing to the melody of a place but of a time that is now past.

As my feet crossed the threshold of the basement doors, I turned back my head to let the melody of worship bounce off the walls of the empty room, leaving behind an echo of praise to the God who lent us such a place to live and grow.

My foot pressed on the accelerator to lead me forward, and through the veil of tears I could see the ghost of a small girl running up the front yard as I drove away, wildly waving her arms goodbye.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Uncaged

To put the pin on where you've been,
to discover the ingredients
of the recipe previously hidden,

To unwind the tangles in your hair,
to move back from the edge of the chair
and exhale,

Oh, what relief
when the trouble is found
and the soul is unbound.

Once it is named
my growling emotions are tamed
and freedom is gained.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Autumn Sun



An autumn sun setting behind the bare trees in the cool crisp air
casts a warm glow through the trees and over the field
exhausted from a day of fighting the overcast sky,
he gently lays down to rest with dignity and humility
for he knows that even when he is not shining,
he is still the sun

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Like a wind-up doll

Time ticks by mercilessly it seems. I try not to watch. I want to keep my hands busy and my heart full. My heart is delighted by Father who is good in every way. His presence is the sun that warms me; His kindness is the water that cleanses me; His discipline is the fire that purifies me; His promises are the wind that carries me; His word is the food that nourishes me.

My back is every day in knots over the frustrations of this life. I peer out beneath my furrowed brow at unfinished tasks and, like a wind-up doll, brace myself for the tight winds that strain the back, followed by the frenzy of motion and hurried movements. Like a mechanical toy, I complete the menial tasks that each day demands. Do they call for such stress? No, release me from this laborious perspective.

Luke recounts the story of two sisters who invited Jesus to their house. While one sister ran around feverishly to make preparations, the other sister simply sat at Jesus' feet and listened. Jesus teaches us that the latter of the two made the best decision. There are many things that worry and upset us in this life, but only one is necessary.

As I sit at Jesus feet and listen, I am reminded of the cost of discipleship. Following Jesus means taking up our cross daily. I will gladly welcome the tightness in my back when it is born from the weight of a cross, a self-denial and a holy frustration producing fruit of love and justice.


Why does my back hurt?

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Security

Our pastor shared this morning about a psychological trait that is said to be different among men and women. While men and women alike desire both security and significance, males are more often drawn to significance and females to security.

I was searching for that security when I was driving home tonight from my new residence. I went through a checklist in my mind. I won't be sleeping in the same house or living in the same town. I won't be returning to the same school this fall. I'm no longer the student but now I'm the teacher. Just when I felt myself grasping around in the dark for something to hold on to, I remembered to turn on the light.

God is my constant security. Even if every circumstance in my life were changing (which is not the case), I know that He would not change. "...for He has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'" (Hebrews 13:5)

I am reminded of a trip to Spain in which I sat on a large window sill of a hostel and recalled all of the new things that I was encountering. Fear was far from my mind as I contemplated that the same God I worshiped in America was the same God in Spain.

"Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast."
Psalm 139:7-10

I dream of future opportunities to further cleave myself from the familiar of this world in search of the unknown in the next. I pray that I would have the courage to accept them.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

A familiar beat

Beat tap tap
I don't understand that
play it again
I'm beginning to see a trend.

Never stop
don't let the beat drop
I feel in time
rewind rewind

Don't mind me
I come here often in my dreams
like an unfinished thought
indecision I've bought

The past calls me back
telling me it's you that I lack
I could live in the memories
or forever be set free

In presence or in absence
like a familiar fragrance
the memory of you remains
your salvation in my prayer is entertained.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Searching for some truth...

Don't fear the pen though it may speak truth
my heart yearns for clarity, for You.

it's been too long, i need to be still
to know you are God, to know you are real

i don't fear the morning with it's uncertainties
nor my faults, my losses, my enemies

i fear only the Lord and trust in Him
though the trust is tried in the daily interim

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Such is man

Has ever the rooster
in his slumber
once missed the morning crow

Or the bluebird in flight
in the winter
forgotten where to go

Can flowers bud in winter
A hope grow from despair

Such is man
in his search for love
in his search for the meaning of life

Goodbye June

I hope I haven't completely lost your readership in my absence. Here are some poem crumbs that I wrote. I couldn't/have not yet put them together into one pie. Perhaps they don't all fit in the same pie. Anyway, maybe they would make a better cobbler. Can anyone even tell me the difference between pie and cobbler?

-------------------------------------------------------

Phantom Henry

Feel him in my arms, though we've long driven away
see him behind my eye's curtains, a picture here to stay
wrap my arms tight around his chest, as I often hope to feel
grant our dreams to another and see them become real.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I Plead Guilty

Biding my time
make decisions not mine
flesh rules the body
forget God who set me free

My eyes are glued to the greed
my fingers are sticky
with the violence, the pain, the agony

-------------------------------------------------------------

Confessions of a Girl

Wondering not
if my story would end
with the rescue of a handsome prince

But wondering rather
after inspection of my worth
the capture would ever commence.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Speak Up

women be freed
but don't preach equality
forgetting we are not the same
devaluing the title "feminine"

muslims and christians
we do not agree
don't use arms
but rather rationality

why do we fear
what we misunderstand
no excuse
it's the age of information

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Be a Voice

Visit this website:
http://www.prisoneralert.com/

It is here that you can take part in serving our brothers and sisters in chains. Write letters of encouragement that will be sent to the imprisoned. Write letters to the government officials pleading to release them. Most importantly, pray for them.

Three people are highlighted each month.
Click on the link above and find out about Gao, Gulsher, and Sandul.

White Martyrdom

The threat of which our brothers and sisters in chains face each day for the sake of Christ. These believers praise Jesus from behind prison bars, from under the harsh persecution of officials, from the abandonment of blood relatives. They praise Him with swollen feet that carry the Gospel to remote towns, with frail and depraved bodies just released from merciless captivity, with scars relating stories too gruesome to be told. The praise on their lips is the very nourishment that sustains their wounded bodies and spirits. They are under attack.

American Christians are also under attack. We do not have to endure physical persecution or the threat of imprisonment and death, but we are daily faced with the decision to lay aside our weak flesh and follow Christ no matter what the cost.

A sensual scene, a licentious lyric, a tasteful treat. I've given in to temptation.
A knowing glance, a warm touch, a binding word. My thoughts run away with me.
An escape, an addiction, a crutch. I'm looking everywhere for freedom.

They may be bound in chains, but they are free in Christ. We are free to roam, but we are bound by the selfishness and greed that sustains our country. It's not about changing the system; it's about changing our hearts.

Whether it costs us our blood or our manner of living, we will surrender all.
White or red, we will be martyrs if we endure.

All riches and honor and glory to Jesus, the Blessed Redeemer.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Persevering through the pain

As of tonight, flossing is my new habit. I have been flossing now for about 5 months, ignited by a particularly painful visit to the dentist. At first, my newfound discipline was painful. My gums would bleed every time I flossed for at least the first two weeks. If this is supposed to be so good for me, why does it hurt so much? I often thought. But, standing in front of the mirror each night, gingerly flossing my softened gums, I was reminded of my conviction after the last dentist visit and I pressed on. Initially, my motivation was to avoid pain during my next visit and to avoid the familiar scolding from the dentist. Superficial motives, but they have sufficed for the past few months. It was only tonight that my motivation rooted itself deeper than self-love and human affirmation. I realized that after my next dentist visit, I would again be faced with the decision to continue flossing because my previous motivation would have been satisfied. Would the same motivation be as effective the second time? and the third? and the fourth? I would have to develop a more solid rationale for flossing if I expected this habit to remain. It came to me tonight as I was standing in front of the mirror, nonchalantly flossing my seasoned gums, that I will continue flossing because I want to be a good steward of the healthy teeth I have been given. There we go. That will do.

Had I decided not to continue flossing, it would eventually take a toll on my body. So, one may argue, why put myself through the pain in the first place if my teeth will eventually rot out of my mouth. Why prematurely enforce pain in my body which wouldn't otherwise have been there to achieve some long term, out of sight benefit?


It is time. It is time to stop making excuses. It is time to stop skirting pain. It is time to stop rationalizing. It is time to stop falling into old habits. The hurt may linger and try to convince me otherwise. In these times, brothers and sisters, keep me from falling again. Sure, my motivation may be childish now - obey a will not my own, a command in contradiction with my heart - but soon I will be feeding on solid food, my character strengthened and my testimony a guidance to others. Sure, it may be painful now, but it will pass and the dough kneaded firmly will rise higher than the weakly kneaded.



It is time to make new habits.

It is time to believe that "all discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness." (Hebrews 12:11)

Friday, April 3, 2009

Escaped but still imprisoned

People say that knowledge is power, that it can set you free.

In the third grade, my mom sewed together a butterfly costume for me to wear to the annual halloween party at our neighborhood community building. Being the shy and insecure lil' thing that I was, I put it on and sheepishly walked down the steps into the recreation hall, my eyes quickly darting from girl to boy to see how my costume measured up. We circled around the hall like a merry-go-round, waving to friends and family as we passed. Meanwhile, the judges marked down their votes for the awards. There would be "The Prettiest," "The Most Scary," "The Funniest," and others. I walked home that night with the "Most Original" award, feeling like I had gotten just what I deserved: a plain award for a plain, uninteresting girl. I did not know what the word "original" meant. Honestly, I thought it was a synonym for standard, run-of-the-mill.

I've changed a lot since then: I don't want to be like everyone else. So, I spend time thinking about how to cut my hair, how to write my name, how to do my makeup. I spend time thinking about what clothes to wear, what profession to choose, what blogs to post. I spend time thinking about what to write on my facebook status, what banner to put on my phone, what message to leave on my answering machine. I spend time thinking about how to decorate my room, how to reply to "how are you?", how to spend my time and money.

I spend time thinking about how not to think about these things. I do this all to receive one infamous title: "Most Original."

And, how original am I really? If what I truly seek all the while is the approval of others. Their acceptance. I want to fit in. Now, I'm back at square one.

So, I know what original means.
I still feel powerless.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Glasses

I remember that when I was younger, I used to think it would be awful to have to wear glasses. It wasn't because I thought they looked strange. In fact, I was known to try on a pair or two just to evaluate the cosmetic effect. ( Nevermind the fact that it kills my eyes to look through prescription glasses.) No, it wasn't for appearance that I loathed the thought of wearing glasses, but rather the thought of admitting that one part of my body had failed.

I reluctantly admit that I battle perfectionist tendencies. Not that I believe that seeking perfection is a bad thing. Jesus is perfect, and I long to be like Him as all Christians do. It's the bit about being displeased with anything that is not perfect that I won't let pitch a tent in my mind. Jesus loves us, beings that are far from perfection. So, why should I fear imperfection?

Plenty of reasons: discontentment, boredom, loneliness, rejection, worthlessness.

All reasons that vanish in the light of the Gospel and are quickly replaced with "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control" (Gal. 5:22) The blinding light of the Gospel is this: God loves me. I didn't do a single thing to earn it. I was dead and He gave me life. I was lost and now I'm found.

Suppose I DID need glasses, but I never knew. The world would have looked dull and blurred. But, I wouldn't have known the difference. And, I didn't. Until, I started to meet people who did. I met people who were sick but still had joy. I met people who admitted their own failures, awful things that they had done or thought or said, but didn't cower in fear of man or of death. I met people who were hungry, but smiled widely. Graciously, God did give me glasses: He gave me the Law.

I slipped them onto my eyes and saw the world as it really was. The sun shone brighter, blood appeared redder, mountains rose higher and valleys stooped lower. I looked at myself and found a tattered being: scratched, beaten, bruised, and dirty. I wanted to lay the glasses aside because it was too painful to see the world in disarray and to see myself as I truly am. But, there was something different about those who could see: they had peace and hope and unending joy.

They told me about a Doctor. He could heal me, they said. He had healed many others. But, did the operation actually work? Did this Doctor even exist? What if I didn't like what I saw?
I relented my fears. I abandoned my control. I accepted the help from the Doctor.

As I opened my eyes to see for the first time, I squinted and held my breath as I lowered my head to gaze again upon my own brokenness. But just then, my eyes burst open wide, my throat began to tighten, my eyes began to glisten. I was as good as new.

He handed me His card. "Tell others about Me," He said. He shone His face upon me and I walked lightly to the door. I looked down and flipped the card over. On the back, I slowly read the shining letters written in large handwriting: "Making all things new."

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Sara (noun)

Say-ruh

1. an ear to hear your thoughts,
a mouth to ask the questions,
eyes wet with sympathetic tears,
a new self battling an old self,
a sponge soaked with teaching,
a box of paradoxes,
a cedar of lebanon waiting to be a stump;
full of dreams...
...like dancing, never missing a beat,
...enseƱando el evangelio al mundo,
...swimming as effortlessly as the dolphins;
living in a body i didn't create,
a walking witness of His grace,
living, breathing, without want,
10 years old in the Kingdom,
and still choking on solid food,
learning to wait,
commanded to know nothing but Jesus and Him crucified,
from the enraged two's to the passive twenties,
waiting for your approval,
knowing only the One matters,
wanting the one thing i cannot have.

2. a human,
made to live forever,
invited into eternity,
to be a princess, not by law
but by a Gift that cannot be repaid

by His kindness,
being led to repentance. (Romans 2:4)

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Escaping from the Big Fish

When did I stop believing that God has me where I am for a reason?
When did I stop believing that God answers my prayers?

In a few short months, I will complete my college undergraduate degree. Yet, only a few days ago, my cheeks were again damp as anxiety and uncertainty streamed down my face. What followed: A mother's tender concern. A counselor's wise advice. A preacher's true testimonies. And, a long-standing truth: The Lord prepares the way for His people.

While listening to the sermon recommended to me by my mother, the Lord impressed on my heart that I am where I am for a reason, that He has answered my prayers. That like Jonah, I have doubts about where God is sending me. Even though many times I doubted my major choice and considered changing, the Lord would always send some confirmation to me: a career skills test, a woman's prophetic words, a confirmation from a past teacher, an encouraging word from a current teacher... All the while, I prayed and trusted that God was guiding me.

God will answer those prayers.
I believe that(.)
I will like it in Ninevah.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Sharing

Some things are so good, I can't keep them all to myself.


Sometimes sharing costs me nothing...
Last night, I was having a conversation with a friend who expressed interest in teaching in the future. He isn't an education major, so my first thought was to suggest to him a program that I know of that recruits professionals in all disciplines to underprivileged schools in America whether or not they have an education degree. He thanked me genuinely, and we went our separate ways.


Sometimes sharing costs me something...
Earlier tonight, I reached into the cabinet to grab a granola bar, a chocolate and oat granola bar of the highest and tastiest quality. I quickly calculated that there were two left, one for me and one for our guest sitting several feet away in our living room. Yet, simultaneously, I reasoned what a shame it would be to give away such a delicacy. In the end, my state of sanctification won out, and I offered the granola bar to our guest with a high recommendation.


Sometimes not sharing costs others a lot.
Our guest from the previous story didn't accept before thoughtfully asking, "Are you sure you want to give it away?" By God's grace, my mind quickly made the connection: "It's kind of like the Gospel. Some things are too good not to share."

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Selfless but not joyless

In the parable of the talents (Matthew 25), the master of the house blesses the two servants who were good stewards of what they had been given. These servants took what they were given and doubled it. Their blessing: "Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things."

So, we worked hard and now, as a reward, we have more work to do?...

Sounds fishy, but here's the catch: doing the work of the Lord brings us joy because it is what we were designed to do.

Pursue selflessness, receive joy.
Pursue joy, receive emptiness.